As a woman you don´t expect men all over the world to be exactly the same regardless of the fact that some say that deep inside the men really are no different anywhere. So when you talk with them, you are supposed to be open-minded enough to take it into consideration that there may be differences. When I was approached here in Malta, I got surprised, but not as much as I got shocked when I heard the reason.
Let me say this first – to learn what a mentality in any country is about, takes time. It is a slow process if you want to deal with it the right way and adapt. Sometimes you just can´t understand. It´s something all of us ex-expats have experienced, if there are any of you reading this. It´s also something we experience in a new way here in Malta when we come here.
Men-tality in Malta
And another thing; I am not saying that every Maltese man is the same as this one. This one certainly is one of the nicest persons on the island in general. His personality is nice and friendly and helpful, and he is a hard working employee and so on. He is a helpful friend. There is only something dodgy about his own, personal mentality with regards to practicality.
Let´s call him Albert. Albert is Maltese and he is about to get married. The preparations are progressing fast, because the actual wedding will be in a few months time at time of writing this. In summer, him and his fiancé will get married. The trouble is, his fiancé is not interested in sex. He is. He wants it every day when he comes home from work, to relieve stress. She, on the other hand, has not given him what he is interested in for the last one and a half years. She had, but very seldom.
Where do I come into the picture? Well, he had chosen to ask me if maybe I would like to do something about it. My answer was no, but he explained that this way, he can have sex and still get married.
If he has sex with somebody, like if he finds a lover, before the wedding then he has at least…well, had sex before the marriage. A bit more often. I asked him if it was a good idea to get married to a woman with whom he has such differences in the outlook on sex and the physical side of married life. Yes, he knew it wasn´t good, but he has already invested money in the preparations and it was money he couldn´t get back even if he cancelled the wedding.
They have both invested money in their future home, and to buy her out now was not an option. It was, according to him, better to go ahead with the marriage and then get divorced. Financially, it was more practical.
So here is this man who gets married only to get divorced again. I told him it didn´t seem like a nice prospect, and he agreed. He just didn´t see any other way out of it. He might have somebody on the side, while married, and that way he would get both things. The marriage and the sex. Apparently, there was no way to make the fiancé want to do it more often.
I told him it seemed like the ethical side of the story wasn´t strong, on the contrary it was weak. To start the married life out with a lover already before the wedding didn´t seem like the best of ideas to me. That point didn´t seem to bother him so much and after that discussion I don´t know what has taken place. All I know is, I couldn´t help him out. I didn´t have any feelings for him, first of all.
I can´t help but label it was a mentality which is typical for Maltese men, but there we go – I generalise and maybe I shouldn´t. So instead I just told you a story about a story about a man who is a really nice person and therefore is my friend, but whose ideas about love and being faithful and so on just aren´t in line with mine at all. But I am not bold enough to generalise and say it is typical behaviour for men here, or men overall. What I can say, though, is that the logic of his reasoning just seems to revolve around money and that´s far from respecting the woman he will marry.
Written by: Linda Isabel